Deutsches and Pikeys a match made in hell.

As has been well documented by me and other duds throughout this age of blogging, Pikeys (on behalf of fpoole and any other American viewers: a pikey is the British version of the red neck and looks like one of those idiots you see in inner city areas. You know, the twats who listen to rap and try to copy 50 cent and wear hoods all the time) are the scourge of this land. What’s prompted me to start to blog about these fools. Well let me tell you a tale; Twas Friday night, the end of the school week and me and my other chums wanted to celebrate in the right way. This started with a nice trip to the cinema where we saw Hero. It wasn’t too bad although you see the same story 3 different ways (its mostly flashbacks). We then headed back to my house where we had an Indian, this too was a pleasant experience although it took ages to arrive. After this things started to get a wee bit messed up, me my friend matt and my other friend nick (tom had gone home for he had to baby-sit) went to meet some lady friends and a 21 year old chap in the railway which is a local pub. This wasn’t the problem par say, the problem was as soon as we arrived these people said they were cold (we were sitting in the beer garden as we were all underage although matt and nick can get away with it (IN SPITE OF THE FACT IM OLDER THAN THEM BOTH). We then left and bought some drink from an off license but were then faced with the problem of where to consume said drink. One of the girls suggested a local place called Blake’s park. This I knew was not a good idea, as did matt. Not only that though we had been constantly warned that this was a prime place for pikeys to hang out (my friend lives across the road from here and claims all night he can only hear pikeys making a racket). Needless to say I was totally against the idea and stopped walking towards it whilst the others went on ahead. At this point I was thinking to myself, “ there is no way I’m going in there. I could get stabbed and they’d have an easy fighting advantage over me if I’m drunk” Sadly we bent into peer pressure and went in. I was uncomfortable the whole time and knew we were getting drunk in the worst place possible. Soon enough 3 or 4 pikeys walked into the park and asked for a can of strongbow. We didn’t say a straight no but we weren’t interested in just giving them a drink. I mean do you just give some stranger a drink if he asks for it normally so why now. Anyway one of this arseholes friends told him to hurry up and he went away but they weren’t that far away. By this time I knew that I had been right and looked to matt to leave but unfortunately he was a bit drunk and unable to hear me properly and everyone went silent suddenly so I decided to shut up lest I be labelled a coward (in retrospect this was probably a bad idea). Soon enough this mouthy moron was back and he started saying in the most chavvy way ever (chav is another term for pikey) “my god there are some buff chicks here what’s your names” I think in all honesty this twat was really looking for a woman but was ignoring the fact he was pig ugly and being an idiot (lets put it this way if I were a girl I would probably punch him for being so pretentious) anyway these girls we were with, lied about their names and the fact they were single to get this twat to go away which he did. By now I was completely on edge and wanted to skid addle as soon as possible. We soon made to leave but then the real trouble started the same pikeys returned hoods up and asked for a pound. Matt gave them £1 to try and appease them which seemed to work. I on the other hand thought that I should to but knew that would mean getting my wallet out which they would probably steal so I jingled in my pocket a bit and walked away very quickly. Everyone else got past them, or so it seemed. Suddenly as me and matt walked away from the scene I suddenly heard nick shout “ OI GIVE ME A HAND HERE) What had happened as we’d been hurrying away is that these bastards had cornered nick and had nicked (no pun intended) his wallet and phone! The funny ( I'm really stretching the meaning of the word here) part was that as soon as me and matt turned back in preparation to fight these fools ran off as fast as they could what cowards! They were being matched one to one by me matt and nick and this other guy and they couldn’t even handle that!. Anyway we walked away from the scene and me and matt with some smugness shouted “for gods sake we warned you guys didn’t we and now you see what happens!” we then started to head home. Me and matt proceeded to get drunk on our own at my house which sort of made the evening a bit better but we were still cross and were now shouting “STRING UP THE PIKEYS” at the tops of our voices which my brother (who has never been drunk ergo cannot handle its greatness) found very amusing. I’m still cross about the incident for two reasons. Firstly because I’d made it very clear that going there would be trouble. Secondly because of the principle; Why cant we just kill these pikey bastards instead of making up laws to protect them like not allowing the police to arrest them on the streets. Why cant these fools just try to be nice instead of stealing things just because they want them, hell its not like their poor either. Stealing to subsist is understandable but stealing for the sake of it or to do it to intimidate people is just unacceptable. The fact that I have to fear these people when I go onto the street is an awful existence and it can sometimes be for such trivial matters. Its not uncommon for a pikey to approach menacingly and say “what you looking at bruv” If I wasn’t fearful for my safety I would reply “I’m not looking at anything actually! Why don’t you get a life instead of trying to create a reputation of fear” and then give him a hefty kick in the balls. The fact also that these fools can only install fear by being heavily guarded by about 10 well built friends. These people are always the small leary ones, like the ones we see at school. It’s a sick and twisted world really and i swear revenge upon my friends and will one day terminate (or davinate) all Pikeys!


Anonymous said…
feckin' pikey bastards. They should be shot upon sight by law.
Chard said…
According to the Sun, they are the new Mods.

Being glamourised by the media? FUCK NO

Let me buy one a wakizashi, next time im in a public place they are dead!
Dave said…
Dave! You gave in to peer pressure!

I can't say I've ever heard of that place, but I'm never going there after sun-down now.

Ok, this is getting a bit unnerving. You, Stewart and Baz all drinking alcohol freely. But I've always said I won't give into peer pressure, so I think I'll be staying sober for some years yet.
Anonymous said…
we ain't pressuring you dave, we're just living
Jon said…
They stole Nick's phone. Ouch.
Dave said…
He'll be pissed now
fpoole said…
Well, you don't see too many of these idiots stateside thankfully.

Plenty of idiots, but not too many petty criminals making people scared to walk the streets.

Besides that, I know some people...

(evil laughing)
Jon said…
It could be more of a problem in big cities, of course

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