Showing posts from August, 2010

The People & Lola the Cat vs Mary Bale

It’s been all over the papers, people have been outraged, politicians are racing to make comments conveying their ire; it might just be the most shocking piece of news since Baby P! This is of course the reaction to the woman (Mary Bale) who was recently fined for putting a neighbour’s cat into a bin.

This almost surreal incident has captured the imagination of the press and the twitterbooksphere, inspiring a range of emotions such as: shock, disgust, mild amusement, shock again, and then murderous rage – look at any book on the five stages of grief and you’ll find it listed under the ‘reactionary moron’ process. Yes indeed we Brits do have an odd relationship with animals, and when one is mistreated, by god we get angry!

Some however, have got so angry they’ve launched death threats against the woman in question. I’ve just had a look at Facebook, and there are several groups popping up demanding she be locked up, locked in a bin, or otherwise tried by ordeal.

I don’t know what is …

The Expendables, Or Let's Blow Everything Up and then Set it On Fire!

Blasting onto our screens, in a wave of 80s movie nostalgia, comes the action ensemble to end all action ensembles. I am of course talking about The Expendables, the film that has brought together the likes of Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Rourke, Willis and Schwarzenegger; frankly it’s hard not to get excited by that combination. So for all that promise was the film the dumb, loud, explosive, action fest that we had been praying for? Well the answer is yes, and then some.

The plot is not the film’s strongest point, but then this is an action film, where the plot is nearly always secondary. The only problem is the film sometimes tries to have it both ways and maybe indulges in more of a story than is necessary. Some parts of exposition could easily have been dropped for longer action sequences, much in the same way as Snakes on a Plane did to great effect. However, this problem does not completely ruin the film, and also allows us some laughably cheesy character development scenes;…

And you thought Ronald McDonald was frightening.

Adverts, we can’t escape the bloody things. Every 15 minutes on TV they appear without fail, popping up on a website whilst we’re in the middle of web browsing, and leering at us jealously from billboards as we drive past them. Adverts can be entertaining, sad, funny or even just downright scary. It’s the last of these things I’m going to have a look at today as I look at a collection of ads which are disturbingly strange or unpleasant.

Kinder Surprise – Humpty Dumpty

Nowhere in the original Humpty Dumpty Nursery rhyme do I remember anyone saying Mr Dumpty would talk in terrifying, satanic tongues. I mean give the guy a break, he’s already an egg; why make him even more freakish?

Unfortunately that is exactly what the makers have done, as they’ve given Humpty a scary looking face before he’s even managed to open his mouth. Also why is the fact he’s eating one of his kind, and that he jumps off the wall unperterbed not addressed properly?

My theory is that he’s come to believe that h…

I somehow doubt they'll have Pope branded condoms on sale...

Much like the tacky crap that airlines try to entice you with on flights, The Vatican is offering its followers, and all round pope fans (now does the Pope have a fan club? If not then maybe the Catholic Church has missed a trick there) the chance to pick up their own official t-shirt, mug or bracelet, for the Holy Father’s UK visit later this year.

It’s not unusual for event organisers to try and rip off people, and make a quick buck with overpriced rubbish to commemorate something; but when the organisers are part of a major world religion and have legions of devoted followers who may now be encouraged to put even more (every week they’re giving to the church collection plate after all, the poor sods) of their hard more money into the coiffeurs of the Vatican, the whole thing begins to seem a bit exploitative.

I know there is an element of choice involved, and that some Catholics won’t be drawn into buying anything like this - that is the beauty of free market choice after all -…

Human Centipede Review

Due to the persuasion of some close friends (they promised beer and pizza, so how could I refuse) I found myself sitting to down to watch Human Centipede (First Sequence), the high concept gore-horror from Dutch director Tom Six (is he perhaps related to Sporticus 10?). Now this for me was a bit of a leap into the unknown, as I knew how disgusting the premise was and had quickly dismissed the movie as a gore-for-the-sake-of-it kind of film. Nevertheless, I sat down to watch and endure it.

Well, all I can say is it delivers what it promises, i.e. a human centipede - the answer to a question no one really asked – but offers little in the way of plot and believable characters, or crucially much in the way of gore. The one thing I thought that Human Centipede was marketing to its audience, wasn’t even really there; much of the horror is implied rather than visceral. Sure, the psychology behind the plot is rather disturbing, as is the thought of the ordeal of being stitched arse-to-face t…

Silly Season

It says a lot about the summer when you find that nothing is interesting. This month is often known amongst journalists and TV schedulers as the “silly season,” as nothing really happens at this time of year. For one thing parliament is off on summer holiday (cue horrendous mental images of David Cameron on the beach tossing a beach ball to George Osbourne, whilst Nick Clegg is sent off to get the cabinet a round of ice creams), so there are no interesting parliamentary squabbles for the news to report on. Additionally much of the rest of the country are off on holiday, as parents take advantage of their kids being off from school and go abroad too.

As there are not many interesting news stories to comment on - aside from the Naomi Campbell Diamond scandal, but a phrase ending with the words “fish in a barrel” comes to mind in that scenario. Instead I’m going to make up some ridiculous stories which probably would gain seasonal coverage at this moment in time, if they were real.