Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Today my rant is at the Quintessential Evil corporation, Mc Donalds!

Mc Donalds as we all know is a massive particularly eevil American fast food chain selling fatty undercooked overpriced burgers to the customers, (they claim that 100% beef goes into each and every burger although I highly dispute that claim).
Mc Donalds has taken my disgust a step further lately by their new "hip, cool" style advertising campaign aimed at the most vunerable group of people, Children. They have changed their slogan as many will have noticed to "I'm Lovin' It" which on its own is appalling as there is no such term in the English language but no, They go a step further and have made their new happy meal adverts to comply with this new hip, young, cool image, the Advert begins with a group of about 5-6 kids asking "what's in the boxes that always rocks?" (In my opinion it should be "what's in the box which always flops?" but that's just me) and in the advert these young children get sucked into the happy meal box (of evil and obesity)and end up in the world of whatever the toy at the time is (most recently "Noddy") and start chanting an awful attempt at rapping which will make you sick to the stomach using terrible rhymes like "today we're gonna' go far, to the tiny planets on a white so-fa!" (shudder)and the thing about these adverts that ticks me off the most is not the fact that their polluting our young children's (and to a certain degree many adults) minds but they've started referring to Mc Donalds as "Maccy D!" THIS IS A TERRIBLE AND VOMIT INDUCING TERM, THERE'RE TRYING TO TURN THE NEXT GENERATION OF CHILDREN INTO A GROUP OF INNER CITY STYLE SPEAKERS LIKE BY CALLING EACH OTHER JAMMY D AND DERRY F! EGADS THIS IS NO DIFFERENT TO WHAT HITLER AND THE NAZI PARTY TRIED TO DO TO GERMAN'S YOUTH BUT AT LEAST THEN HE WASN'T TRYING TO POLLUTE HIS LANGUAGE HE WAS TRYING TO STRENGTHEN IT!
Another new horrifying addition to the new "I'm Lovin it" style Mc Donalds is the new salads plus range, this is simply Mc Donalds trying to escape the stigmatism that it is unhealthy so they are trying to trick people into buying their new "green" salad ranges of food. This is the attempt to attract the on the go, health conscious mum into the restaurant so that the kids can nag their parents with more weight behind their argument than before.
I'm of course not going to fall for these clearly evil ploys but then again they are only acting in the interests of our "clearly" non-evil capitalist democratic system (yeah right) whoopee go capitalism (err no) this is what the American government and much of our "righteous, free western world" want us to think.

Friday, May 21, 2004

The subject of today's rant is about a certain animal like acquaintance I am forced to be in contact on a daily basis I have named him in my list of people I hate that's right folks its that dog you love to hate, Paul Leonard.
Me and him were having one of our daily discussions which go along the lines of:
ME: Paul you wanker, piss off
Paul: (in a harsh and threatening untertone) err no Dave you fat piece of shit
now let me explain to you the facts Paul is a scrawny some what weak person. Some may say, "wait he might really be strong for all you know" well your wrong as in the past he has been beaten up by a year nine much smaller than himself and was tripped up once in football and broke his leg. Not only that he has punched me before and I would say that it was nothing to go crying about.
Now this all brings me to today's escapade
Me: (holding a water bottle chuckling menacingly, pretending to tip it in to his bag which to add insult to injury had infect happened to him the day before)
Paul: Dave! Stop it or ill kick the shit out of you
Me: yea right ill believe it when I see it.
Now let me just emphasize the point pails fighting and brute strength track record is very poor and not to mention I am very strong (I'm not trying to tute my own horn but I am) and I am well trained in Ju Jitsu so any pathetic attempt to "beat the shit out of me" would have been met with a painful blocking technique and then an even more painful arm, wrist or shoulder technique, not to mention all of his current threats have never come to light so I really just ignore his unvaried and non fear inspiring threats and insults.
well that's a few thoughts off my chest for now.