You Just Can't Get the Help These Days

TV and movie Sidekicks are an odd breed. Effectively their only purpose in a film is to prop up, or provide the comic relief to a films hero. They are the wingman, the guy who might have to throw away his life or, more likely, provide a diversion so that the hero succeeds. 

Despite their noble job description some of the most irritating and teeth grinding characters ever, have played the part of sidekicks in major movies. Today we’re going to look at a few of the worst. Warning: This list contains characters that will make you lose the will to live.

Jar Jar Binks (Star Wars):
Any annoying sidekick catalogue cannot be complete without Jar Jar making the list. Perhaps one of the most hated cinema creations of all time, this childish, bumbling, infuriating, racist stereotype, kind of marked the beginning of the end for George Lucus’s credibility. Why he didn’t take the initiative and just kill this stupid waste of space off is anyone’s guess. Let's not forget it is in fact Jar Jar's fault that the Emperor succeeds in taking over the Galaxy in the first place. Doesn't that make Jar Jar guilty of war crimes on some level? 

Lucas is well known for trying to bleed the Star Wars franchise dry, so I expect he will canonise the book I am planning to write, dealing at length with Jar Jar’s demise. I even have a first line: “Jar Jar was dead, to begin with...”   

Fergie (Judge Dredd):
Everyone loves the constantly wise cracking sidekick right? Wrong. This prattling moron is one of those sidekicks who is pretty much no help at all because he’s a complete coward - except by maybe the odd fluke - but then acts as if he’s the indispensible brains behind the outfit through either delusion or compulsively lying. 

He is supposed to be a hacker but there is no clear evidence to this end but he clearly is a fully qualified prick however. 

Mutt (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull):
Shia La Boef has become a relatively big player in Hollywood by some kind of clerical error. His part in Transformers was ultimately forgivable; he isn’t that annoying, and there are plenty of irritating characters in those films to distract from him. However in what was already a car crash of a return for Indiana Jones, the writers decided to include this joker as Jones’s young accomplice/long lost son. 

The latter identity provides the biggest kick in the groin for most fans, who had to endure perhaps the most cheesy moment in cinema when young Mutt picks up Indy’s hat in the dying minutes of the film, as if to represent that the torch had been passed to a new generation. Even before this final insult, Mutt was generally a whiney waste of space; that could have so easily have been quietly killed off in an unfortunate Zeppelin accident – it could happen.

Trinity (The Matrix):
Sometimes the sidekick can also be the love interest and sometimes the love interest can be as interesting as talking about wallpaper with Ben Stein. Whether it is the horrible sex scene in Zion or the horrible dullness of the character, Trinity will always be remembered as a pouting, scowling charisma vacuum. I suppose in that way her and Keanu Reeves were meant for each other. 

Bumblebee (Transformers) :
There is nothing cute or endearing about a robot who can only communicate in stupid sound effects butchered from pop culture. Bumblebee is annoying, loud and mostly useless bucket of bolts, makes it more desirable to root for the Decipticons. So what if they want to destroy humanity?  

Scrappy Doo (Scooby and Scrappy Doo): 
Why didn’t anyone just let him fight the monsters as he wanted and allow him to risk death. It would shut him up for one thing. Scrappy is a horrible addition to the Doo family, and just makes the idea of kicking puppies seem less horrible than it should be.  

 Also despite being younger than Scooby Doo he has a better grasp of the English language (considering it’s no mean feat that Scooby talks as much English as he does), how is this exactly?

Robin (Batman and Robin):
Chris O’Donnells portrayal of Robin not only ruins a relatively good comic book super hero, but manages to fail badly as a sidekick. When he isn’t getting teenage kicks over Poison Ivy and trying to sell out Batman for a kiss, he’s moping around like a spoilt stroppy pubescent boy.  
"Holy nipple suit Batman!"


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