And you thought Ronald McDonald was frightening.

Adverts, we can’t escape the bloody things. Every 15 minutes on TV they appear without fail, popping up on a website whilst we’re in the middle of web browsing, and leering at us jealously from billboards as we drive past them. Adverts can be entertaining, sad, funny or even just downright scary. It’s the last of these things I’m going to have a look at today as I look at a collection of ads which are disturbingly strange or unpleasant.

Kinder Surprise – Humpty Dumpty

Nowhere in the original Humpty Dumpty Nursery rhyme do I remember anyone saying Mr Dumpty would talk in terrifying, satanic tongues. I mean give the guy a break, he’s already an egg; why make him even more freakish?

Unfortunately that is exactly what the makers have done, as they’ve given Humpty a scary looking face before he’s even managed to open his mouth. Also why is the fact he’s eating one of his kind, and that he jumps off the wall unperterbed not addressed properly?

My theory is that he’s come to believe that he contains a toy inside himself, and perhaps therin lies the moral of this ad, i.e. don’t give a Kinder Surprise to a deformed man-egg in case he gets the wrong idea. Then again maybe he just can’t live with his cannibalism.

In any case, to a kid this is bound to make them question trusting eggs, Kinder or otherwise, ever again lest they come to life like this terrifying abomination.

Metz - Judderman

The weirdness of this ad led to its own downfall in the end, as it had to be pulled from our screens after giving young children nightmares and in all fairness you can see why.

It’s a pity about this one, as visually speaking the makers did a really good job, and you can’t fault the copy-writers for coming up with something worthy of the Grimm Brothers books.

However, watching a dodgy looking Jack Frost-like man sneaking up on an unsuspecting wood cutter in a world that seems inspired by a Tim Burton style brain-fart, is undeniably disturbing.

Cheese Strings – A lip balm?

This is not the first time I’ve launched an attack on this advert, but there’s no getting round the fact that it’s so weird it’s unnerving.

This ad comes from the same people who brought you the Cadbury Gorilla, so there is no doubting their pedigree in the strange and irrelevant. However, this takes on a noticeably dark twist, as the unseen protagonist is some kind of jabbering stalker, who successfully freaks out several members of the public as he lurks in wait.

I don’t really know what they’ll think of next, maybe an axe-murderer who recommends a type of shampoo before he lops his unfortunate victim’s head off?

Orangina – Lap dancing squid?

Calling all bestialists, and animal pornographers! This could just be your lucky day, as you get to watch a highly suggestive bit of animation where animals get kinky.

This just reminds me too much of the weird furries you sometimes find online. And the squid getting her tentacles involved is just too bawdy for my liking; those of you who are like me and like their squid deep fried and chopped up, not in underwear and stockings, as well as poking its tentacles hither and dither, will probably agree.

Smiths - Singing Potatoes

There is nothing, and I repeat NOTHING, endearing about singing vegetables. I enjoy vegetables for their ability to keep quiet and know their place, but here we get vegetables being loud, and also openly rebellious.

The damn spuds decide to sing a protest song and refuse to budge until they get cut up into Smiths Crisps. The whole thing just ends up looking like the 1984 miners strike, but with the miners winning.

I’m pretty certain that this is where it all starts, as the veggies decide to organise themselves into unions, and then will eventually grow tired of being chopped up and eaten. At least this advert at least shows they are still open to their fate of being eaten and for that you have to admire the potatoes in this ad, but give in to their demands now and who knows where that could lead.

Now vegetable rebellion isn’t something I often think about, but this advert has given something new to fear.

New Zealand Police – If you drink and drive then you’re a bloody idiot!

We’ve all seen the harrowing ‘don’t drink and drive,’ ‘don’t smoke’ or ‘don’t eat fatty foods’ warning ads before, and often we can accept that they have a right to be blunt and scary.

This one however is just creepy, as a couple of mates decide to go for a drive after a couple of drinks and the inevitable occurs. Then the one surviving member then is forced to lie alone in the dark with his dead chum, and a bit of mental breakdown takes place.

Definitely makes you want to not drink and drive if anything else.

These are just a few horrifying examples of creepy and unnerving ads, but if you know any or think these are rubbish examples feel free to comment.


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