Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Some things are best left on the drawing board.
The one thing most of these remakes hold in common is that they are disappointing, if not mind bendingly awful. They only seem to exist as an answer to a vague “what if this cartoon character was real” thought occasionally pondered upon by people, and picked up by a film exec sensing a profit making answer. Unfortunately that never ever translates to a film with substance although It’s a fair question to ask though. We all wonder what it would be like if the Simpson or Family guy were real, hence the increasing number of adverts I see on YouTube offering just that possibility – although most of these look like they were created from the nightmare case files of patients in the psychiatric wing of Great Ormond Street hospital.
Also we’re forgetting that real-life recreations of cartoon characters could have unfortunate ramifications.
Popeye? A man with an appearance that exaggerated (yes I am referring to his seemingly malformed forearms) would come across like a modern day elephant man, and probably be granted his own ‘gawk at the freak’ style Channel 4 documentary about his condition. I’m sure there’d be an audience for: The man whose forearms are ginormous.
So what’s next in the live-action remake market? I’ve compiled a short list of possible cartoon remakes that still could be made – it’s a depressingly short list considering how many cartoons have been given a reality makeover – and note down a few comments on why they should really be left as they are:
· Spongebob Squarepants
This is another nightmare inducing idea. Also who would play the lead? I couldn’t take an actor who played a real life Spongebob Squarepants very seriously; the voice would be all wrong too.
· Duck Tails
· Tom and Jerry
· Yogi Bear
· Johnny Bravo
The saddest thing is a studio did actually attempt remaking this as a live-action movie, and with Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson in the lead role. This just wouldn’t work as it wouldn’t be able to recapture the pace of the original cartoon, and they wouldn’t get the hair right either.
Hollywood inevitably will keep making these lame spin-offs, as long as a fan idly wonders what the scribble on the screen would look like as someone down his local supermarket - and would pay for tickets for the subsequent big screen remake. Still, I wonder if one day the tables will turn and they’ll start ‘cartoonising’ real-life series. I hope they do the Apprentice first. I’m curious to see how an artist would caricature Lord Sugar, and how craggy his face would be.