An open letter to the makers of the Windows 7 adverts

They say that evil can only succeed when good people do nothing. Well I have been motivated to act against an evil in our world. The evil in question is Windows 7, or more to the point the people used in commercials for Windows 7 (in the British ones at least). I want to say I am a PC and I am outraged - outraged at the pretension and the idiocy of these ads; not to mention the smug self-congratulatorary wind that these adverts launch into your face. I’m sure that this is justified by the fact that the makers, and stars, of these ads enjoy the smell of their own twattish flatulence so much they want to fill the room with it, so everyone can ‘enjoy it’. Well bad call Microsoft, it’s about as welcome as someone really coming into your house and conspicuously breaking wind in front of you, and then leaving. Only you and the smug cretins you have employed for these ads get a kick out of this idiocy, as – fart metaphors aside – not everyone does like your sense of self-satisfaction being stamped, with a smile, into their subconscious.

Also I’d like to say what self satisfaction? All the people in these ads talk about how they came up with a concept that would make using a PC easier to use; and have now found it in Windows 7. The very worst one, involves a father claiming at the end of the advert that we should “cower in his brilliance” - or something to that extent. Now what does that say? The problems with previous Windows platforms (ME and Vista especially) are so easy to spot even a moron with a god complex could improve it? They’ve found a plentiful supply of attention-seeking problem solvers to prove it? Either way it seems Microsoft is now congratulating itself for making a system that makes sense, and isn’t riddled with bugs and security flaws. Well done for making something that works! It’s only taken you a good 20, or so, years and all you had to do was open your ears for 5 minutes.

Whether Microsoft is a good software developer or not is up for debate, but we still have the problem of these smug bastards, bragging about how they invented Windows 7, invading our screens. I personally want them gone. Preferably to a deserted island in the south pacific, where they can see out the rest of their lives sharing their stupid boastful stories with other idiots like themselves. They’re the only people who could be possibly interested in their guff, or in congratulating their pointing out the obvious. Either that or they can brutally fight each other to the death to decide who really invented Windows 7, both outcomes suit me.

However, in the meantime I demand an apology Microsoft! You have subjected us to a collection of annoying bastards that cannot be unwatched now – much like the Go Compare adverts. You have also taken several minutes of my life away from me, and are slowing the process of me of getting back to the programme I’ve been trying to watch before the adverts came on. Sure I’m petty, but these bastards really rub me up the wrong way.


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