What does Brexit mean?

What does Brexit mean?

Brexit means Red White and Blue because, you know, the flag and that.

Brexit means Cricket. The EU is just not cricket, whilst Britain is and literally invented cricket. This should be a self explanatory reason for leaving it. The EU is more like petanque or Korfball.

Brexit means British self determination. That's right no silly French or Belgian people and their soft smelly cheese will start telling you what shape your bananas will be anymore. In fact you will have no representation in European affairs at all! Who can be bothered with boring MEP elections anyway and the hideously undemocratic EU commission? No instead everything will be checked over by our wonderful House of life-term Lords and the hereditary monarch as it always has been. God save the Queen!

Brexit means Exacting control over our borders. That's right! No more can immigrants come and exploit soft touch Britain by stealing our jobs and claiming benefits at the same time. No more Europeans coming here and stealing our healthcare! Although it seems that the rest of Europe has universal healthcare too, but you can never be too careful! But still despite paying taxes when they work here we can block them from claiming any benefits. That'll teach them for being foreign!

Brexit means dig for victory! Like our plucky grandparents during the Blitz we're going to have to grow our own fruit and vegetables because we sure as hell won't be getting any from stupid old Europe. Oranges could prove a challenge.

Brexit means Exit. From the EU of course. Finally now Britain can stand tall uninhibited by such restraints as free trade, freedom of movement, EU subsidies, zero tariffs on exports and imports, access to a crisis relief fund etc.

Brexit means Independence. That's right now the EU may not be a state as such but by leaving it we want a special day with colourful balloons, fireworks etc like they have in the USA and Latin America. I know most countries now celebrate independence from us but we want balloons and a parade too!

Brexit means block up the Channel Tunnel. What can I say, the people have spoken and quite a few favour this. Sure immigrants might then take to using boats but we can probably build a wall around the south coast. Walls are a popular immigration control today. After all we've got all those old World War II forts just sitting there doing nothing.

Brexit means Bulldogs. Yes that's right bulldogs, tottering wheezing inbred national animals of Britain that they are.

Brexit means the Blitz! We showed Jerry what for in 1941, so we can do it again. How dare they insist we play by the rules of their club! We withstood the firebombs of the East End, so we shall endure their crafty German negotiation. Oh  and we beat Germany in the world cup in 1966! Never forget!

Brexit means street parties. Because Britain loves a good street party. Let's hope the council don't mind, but I fully expect the civil servants after being freed from EU red tape will transform back into the life loving productive and helpful characters we remember before 1975. Right? Because they were different before we joined the common market? Weren't they?

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