Fashion Nazi's

Last Sunday I surprised myself as I found myself sitting down to watch the Devil wears Prada for the first hour of the film.

It may come as little surprise to hear that, I wouldn’t normally consider myself a connoisseur of ‘chick flicks’ and I suppose this film slides into that category. However, it’s slightly more accessible to a man, than most chick flicks I have taken the time (approx 4 minutes where masculinity kicks in and I need to down a pint of beer, punch a wall, laugh like an oafish moron at bodily function and even in rare cases talk about football, as it becomes necessary to distance myself as far as possible from the nonsense I am witnessing on screen) to watch.

The film actually wasn’t that bad, as I survived an hour before I decided to do something else. The one thing that did strike me was the horrors of working in the fashion industry. I have always despised images of this trade, as it strikes me as a narcissistic, bitter and self serving collective. I realise of course I have never experience the fashion world first-hand, (god willing I never will) and that the film and TV portrayals (like Ugly Betty, which actually made me want to vomit out of my eyes and ears so I didn’t have to watch it any more) are likely to be caricatures of the real world experience.

However, I think the mentalities shown in this sum up what is wrong with a contingent of society I like to refer to as fashion Nazis. I think everyone has met one of these ‘Fazis’ (as I like to call them), and the characteristics are unmistakable. Their looks will vary greatly, but some characteristics are unmistakeable and that is that is they have a perchant for designer labels, expensive hairstyles (often of avant-garde or spiky in style if particularly unconventional), and their unconventional dress senses (one need only watch the advert for Grazia to know what I mean).

Now there is nothing wrong with wearing nice clothes, but when these people who worship fashion believe that their own farts are inoffensive, and that in their world dressing down is a crime worse than paedophilia then I have to disagree with that world. These people are often also despicable bastards. They live by the logic that they are always right and that rudeness is excusable if they are right. So naturally they are rude most of the time. These people also never think what they are wearing is stupid, and there they are often wrong, but of course paradoxically they can’t be because they will never accept that truth. That is because they excuse their anti-social behaviour with obnoxiousness, and as many of you will agree that is not really an excuse that is ignorance.

I think there is only one solution, and that is that if they wish to be rude because they think that they pointing out something that might upset someone is doing them a favour then they should accept the consequence. Perhaps the old punch in the face may suffice, which is simple and effective as it may draw blood and ruin their apparel, and hilarity ensues. A second option could be to simply nod with a smile, and pull out a vile of acid and drench them in the solution, which is a more costly and elaborate prank, but is also effective as it will ruin their clothing and a hilarious comment about their “acid wit” can be made. My personal favourite is to find a collection of like-minded people, find a fazi and then use the power of majority to insult their clothing, and watch their heads explode. If you don’t like any of these there’s still good old tar and feathers or telling them to go fuck themselves, for what little impact it will have on their psyche.

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